About five years ago, I was asked by a friend to write something for her daughter’s sweet 16 birthday. Her mom was compiling advice from the women in her life and putting it all into a book to give to her. I came across this today while I was organizing some files on my computer, so I thought I would share it here.
Here’s what I sent to her.
By Erika Elmuts
- Life is a series of learning adventures, with every experience, no matter how big or small, is meant to teach you something that your spirit came here to learn.
- True happiness comes only from within –when you can start to live your life according to what makes your heart sing, that is when miracles happen. We often grow up wanting to fit in and please others, whether it be our parents or our friends, or the ubiquitous “they” – but that is exhausting! There are no limitations to what you can do, be, or become, only what you impose upon yourself. If there is something you know you want to do – go for it!!!!
- A wise person knows that in the long run, it truly is better to be happy than be right, and knowing when to speak your mind and when to keep things to yourself is an art that will reward you tenfold.
Dating advice:
- Rather than wonder “Does he/she like me?” instead, ask yourself “Do I really like HIM/HER? Has he/she demonstrated good values? Is he/she nice to me? Does he/she follow through on what he/she says he/she will do? Is he/she someone I would want my daughter/son to date?” Approach every situation with the mindset that YOU are the prize, and the person who is dating you is privileged to be doing so and must be worthy of you. You are always in control and you always have a choice in the matter. Sometimes we get so caught up in wondering if someone is interested in us, that we forget to ask ourselves if we really like THEM.
- If facing a relationship challenge, and you aren’t sure what to do, get on the phone with a friend and pretend the situation is reversed, and you are giving THEM advice. Often, especially when we are younger, we are more honest with our friends than we are to ourselves, so be a friend to yourself FIRST.
- If you are upset, but wondering whether you should be upset about it – you probably should be. And more importantly, honor your feelings, good or bad.
- Always leave them wanting more. When the phone conversation is going great – be the first one to hang up. When the party is winding down, be one of the first to leave. The good ones will keep coming back and the not so good ones will move on to an easier conquest – and good riddance to them! My mom always said “nothing good ever happens after midnight” – and she was right, darn it!
- When you break up with someone (regardless of who did the dumping), immediately make a list of the things you didn’t like about that person. Annoying habits, things they did that made you mad, or sad, or embarrassed to be with them – all the things you can think of. It will keep you from dwelling on “how great it was and how much you don’t have now….” Trust me…this exercise works wonders. It reminds you that even if you got dumped, that fact alone would make you CHOOSE not to be with that person because they were stupid enough to let YOU go! That gives YOU the choice, and empowers you to move on feeling thankful that you didn’t waste more time with someone who was not right. Acknowledge the good experiences and file them away for future reference – but also do a happy dance that you no longer have to deal with his smacking their gum while tapping their foot throughout the entire movie (no matter how cute they were or how great your “connection” was). Any time you start to feel sad and missing what you had, pull out that list and within seconds, you’ll feel better.
- It is only once you are completely at ease with who you are, your weaknesses and all, that you can attract a partner who is going to complement you. The moment you are truly yourself and happy being alone with yourself, is when suddenly he/she will appear.
- Always listen to your intuition. Always.
Success habits:
- Every morning/or evening, write in your journal 3 things you are grateful for, 3 things you want to attract into your life, and set your intentions for the day. Take time with this exercise and really feel the gratitude – don’t just rush through it to get it done. Have fun with this because when you look back, you will be amazed at the number of things you attracted into your life by doing this simple exercise.
- You don’t get what you want, you get what you are interested in. So if you are focused on what you don’t want, or things you don’t like, those are the things you’ll get more of. If faced with a challenge, immediately change your thinking to how you want it to be and be focused on seeing it resolved. You will change your life dramatically.
- With every challenge lies the seed of a larger opportunity, so welcome life’s challenges as an opportunity to become better than you already are. Great leaders have all risen from adversity and difficult situations – I can’t think of one great leader who was given everything in life easily….everyone had to make their own success happen themselves, usually out of difficult life situations. One of my favorite quotes is “When it’s darkest out, that’s when you can see the stars.” (Mark Matteson)
- When faced with a life situation that is challenging, ask yourself “What is this experience trying to teach me?” Often, there is a gift hidden in there that later on, you’ll recognize it as such and be grateful for that difficult experience.
- When something is not working, even though logically it should be, perhaps there is some other path you should be taking. Become aware of the messages around you all the time – the universe has a way of making things available to you, and all you need to do is to become aware of these messages and use them to your benefit. I found my life’s passion because the universe was bringing me there, whether I wanted to go there or not. I was forcing myself to follow the path I thought I was supposed to be on to be successful, but there were other plans in store for me. It was once I opened my mind and my heart to other options that an incredible world opened up for me – and I’m forever grateful that it did. But had I been stubborn and continued the path I was on, I would never be as happy and fulfilled as I am today. It took stepping out on a limb, getting uncomfortable for a while, to realize the power of that risk.
Final thought:
- The true test of someone’s character is how they act when they think nobody is watching.
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